He Loves Me He Loves Me Not
by Emziie-xo
Summary: This is the story of a teenage girl named Emily. She is growing and learning to deal with all the drama and heartache growing up brings.


* * *

CHAPTER 1:

"NOOO!" I screamed as i came crashing back to reality, i sat bolt upright in bed and panted deeply, third time this week I had been woken by terrible dreams. My heart was pounding through my chest and my hair was sticking to my clammy forehead. The streetlight flooded my room with a soft orange glow, I could hear nothing and the silence stung my ears. I reached for my phone and checked the time, it was Four AM, too early to ring Camille so i decided to flick on the television and watch One Tree Hill re-runs until the sun came up. I sighed hoping that maybe one night soon i could sleep the whole way through without any melodramatics.

"Emily! Emily! Time to get up!" I heard my mother chirp. God she was annoying in the morning, especially after a night of tossing and turning trying to sleep.  
"GO away!" I whined.  
"Oh Em, come on its a beautiful day and besides Camille is downstairs, she said you were going to walk to College together." My mother wasnt giving in anytime soon Emily knew that so she obediently thew back the covers and climbed out of bed. "You jump in the shower and I will put the kettle on." My mother said before bounding out my bedroom.  
As I trudged the shower I looked in the mirror and sighed as I wasn't looking too great, all these late nights were starting to take its toll and the skin under my eyes was beginning to look bruised. I had never considered myself to be anything special but before the nightmares started again I definately looked alot better than I did right now.

The shower was heaven it revived me and I suddenly felt refreshed, I must have been in there for about an hour, if I wasnt then it sure felt that way. I sang along with the radio, as the hot water peppered my skin. I was feeling good considering the minimal amount of sleep of yet another tiresome night. I combed my hair back into a neat plait then got dressed and headed down the stairs, I could hear my mother and Camille chatting away happily in the kitchen. "Good morning Sunshine." Camille sang when I entered, "Your mum made breakfast, its yummy!" She smiled at my mother.  
"Oh, Camille dont be soft." My mother laughed patting her shoulder gently.  
I managed to shovel down two plates of bacon and eggs and a big mug of tea while my mother and Camille discussed my sleeping habits.  
"So are you sleeping at all, or are you up all night?" Camille asked.  
"It depends, some nights I get a few hours sleep, others I just cant drop off." I said matter-of-factly.  
"Oh dear, well you cant half tell your not sleeping properly, you look like a zombie." My mother sounded disgusted.  
"Thanks mum, bloody charming!" I certainly didnt appreciate the critisism of my appearance first thing in the morning.  
"I think maybe its time to see a doctor honey..." I didnt even allow her to finish, there was NO WAY I was going to sit in some stuffy doctors office, they would try and send me to therapy and I promised myself I would NEVER do that again.  
"MUM!" I snapped, "Seriously I'm fine, Its just a phase." "Hmmm, well if you're not sleeping any better in a weeks time you are going young lady, its not healthy." I could tell my mother was concerned and she certainly wasnt convinced by attempts to make it look like it was nothing.  
I could feel Camille and my mother both staring at me, I knew I didnt look good, even all the concealer in the world couldnt hide my sagging eyes.  
"Well, why dont you take the day off college today, call in sick and go have a nice rest." My mother suggested.  
"I'd love to, but I cant leave Camille to walk alone." I wished I hadnt arranged for Camille to walk with me now.  
"I could call in sick too, oh this is going to be so good we can have a duvet day." Camille sounded excited at the prospect of spending all day in bed.  
"I dont know ... I dont want to get anyone in trouble." I said half heartedly.  
"Dont be silly, and besides maybe you will sleep better if you have someone with you, I read that sleeping with another body beside you can help!" It was pretty obvious that Camilles mind had been made up.  
"Just dont hog the duvet!" I giggled as I slid off the breakfast bar stool and headed out of the kitchen.  
"I so do not hog the duvet, you hog the duvet!" She protested as I lazily climbed the stairs.

Camille had spent about half of her life in my room, she had her own drawer filled with clean clothes, PJs and even clean socks for when she stopped over. She slept at mine that regularly my father ended up buying me a double bed when Camille claimed that it was no longer fair she had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. My father had chuckled when Camille clapped in delight when she seen the new bed. She was like a sister to me, and a third daughter to my parents, even my little sister Rebecca loved her. She was a part of the family.  
"I will get changed in the bathroom, you take the bedroom." I said decisively.  
When I came back into my room Camille was throwing all the teddies and cushions from my bed onto the floor before flicking the television set on.  
"One tree hill?" She asked me.  
"Need you ask?!" I said.  
It was only our most favouritest show ever.  
So as she flicked on the television set I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over me and I fell asleep within minutes.  
When I woke it was dark outside and the spot in which Camille had lay was empty, there was a note on my bedside table reading:  
"Sorry Em I had to take off got to get ready for tonight, We're all going to Diva Bar if you fancy joining. Call me,  
P.S. SIMON WILL BE THERE Cam xoxo."  
Of course I was going to Diva Bar now, Simon was going to be there and he just happened to be the one boy I was MADLY in love with!

Simon was the typical ladies man, he was always seen out with a different girlfriend and found it impossible to hold down a relationship. He was tattooed and listened to loud rock music, he wore ripped jeans and tatty old converse, his thick black hair was always covered in copious amounts of gel and he had the deepest green eyes that looked kind of tragic. Every girl wanted to tame him and make him theirs but it was proving to be impossible. He had only ever had one consistent girl in his life so far, and that was me. I loved Simon back when nobody else did. We were in all the same classes at school,  
except I didnt notice him until Camille introduced us. My parents were away for the weekend and had left me the house, I was having a party and told Camille to bring some people along and she brought Simon. He was flirty and cheeky and I was instantly interested even though I wouldnt admitt it at the time. The drinks were flowing and we had been flirting for hours when he finally kissed me, It wasnt the most amazing kiss in the world, it didnt do that much for me if I am honest but for some reason I couldnt get enough. We ended up sleeping together that night, He was a virgin and I was sure we would be together after that but unfortunately it wasnt meant to be. He started college and found a whole new set of girls to admire him, I guess I was just old news. He dated almost every girl in the college, there was ALWAYS some girl crying about how tragically he had broken her heart but I refused to be like those girls, I kept my distance until a year later when we began sleeping together again. So here we are, me and him and our "relationship" its all very complicated but I would like to believe deep down that he loves me the same way I love him, So I was definately going to Diva tonight there was no way I was passing up an oppurtunity to see him!

I entered Diva and winced slightly at just how sticky the floor was, my best heels I got on sale from New Look were already proving impossible to walk in without the sticky floor to contend with. I scanned the room hoping to see Simon but there was no sign of him yet. Just a couple of younger kids from sixth form hanging around in the corner with their bottles of alcopop trying to hide the fact that they were underage. "Em, over here!" It was Camille she was sat on the battered old sofas by the window with two guys I had seen around but never actually spoke to, She waved me over enthusiasticly and I obediently made my way over to them, willing myself not to trip over.  
"Emily, this is Dan and Mark, they are Kelans friends." Camille gave me a knowing smile, she had fancied Kelan for ages and obviously saw this as a great oppurtunity to get closer to him.  
"Hi." I said shyly, I hated meeting new people it was so awkward but luckily Camille never felt awkward and chatted away happily to them as I sat on the arm of the sofa listening in to their conversation.  
"Drinks anybody?!" Camille asked cheerfully.  
"Just a double vodka and coke for me." The tall guy with a mohawk said, I think this was Dan, I wasnt sure yet though.  
The other smaller guy just held up his half empty pint glass to show he was fine.  
"Emily? What you having then?" She turned to me and smiled.  
"Erm ... a bottle of woodpecker, not a pint, too much cider gives me acid." I heard the small guy, mark, chuckle but I didnt care.  
"Oh Emily, your so wild." Camille said sarcastically taking the crumpled up five pound note out of my hand, I dismissed this with a wave of my hand.  
"So Emma..." Mohawk boy aka Dan said.  
"Its Emily!" I corrected.  
"Sorry, Emily, You go to college?" I was pleased he was trying to make conversation, I decided I liked Dan, he seemed so genuine.  
"Yeah, I am at Roundview studying my last year of Childcare." I said.  
"Urrrrgh, I couldnt do that, I love kids but only in very small doses." He grinned and I grinned back.  
Camille was on her way back over with the drinks and I was glad, as soon as I got a drink in me I could begin to calm down and tame the butterflies that were fluttering around my stomach anxiously awaiting the arrival of Simon.  
It was about half an hour and four bottles of woodpecker lately when Simon arrived, as soon as I seen him walk through the doors my heart bounced around inside my chest, I felt nervous and happy and sick all at once. He smiled at me, and it melted my heart, he didnt come over to say hello but then again I didnt expect him to he just headed straight for the bar with his friend Adam. I watched him as he ordered the usual pint of Fosters, god he looked good! The rest of the night was a bit of a let down, I spent the night sat alone on the sofas watching as Simon was taking part in some major tonsil tennis with some goth girl that looked no older than 15. There was a lump in my throat and every so often I had to swallow hard to stop myself from crying. There was no way I was going to sit here all night and be humiliated this way so I grabbed my purse, told Camille I was leaving and headed off to find a taxi much to her despair. I had decided to stop off for something to eat on the way and was greedily gobbling down my vinegar soaked chips when someone tapped me on the shoulder,  
it was so faint at first I ignored it but there it was again harder this time and when I turned round I came face to face with Simon.  
"You leaving?" He husked.  
"Y-yeah." I stammered "Dont be so boring." He scoffed taking a cigarette out and lighting it.  
"I'm tired, thats all." I wasnt lying I was exhausted although I knew that I probably wasnt going to get a restful nights sleep.  
"Yeah." He said dreamily. It was silent for about five minutes as I daintily ate my chips and he smoked his cigarette.  
"So, what is it with you latey? Camille told me you havent been sleeping." He sounded genuinely concerned.  
"Its nothing really." I tried not to sound fed up but I was sick to death of people going on about my sleeping, I was fine!  
"It doesnt look like nothing, you look like hell!" He said sharply.  
"Pffft. Thanks alot Simon!" I was annoyed now, how dare he spend all night ignoring me then think he has the right to critisize how I look.  
"Aww come on Em, Dont take it so personally." He threw his cigarette to the ground then wound his arms around my waist causing my heart to go into a frenzy.  
"Sorry." I grinned I couldnt stop staring at his eyes, they were the perfect shade of green.  
"You want to get out of here?" He purred in my ear.  
I wanted nothing more than to get out of here, especially with him but I knew what it really meant, it meant a night of great sex followed by a week or two of silence and I knew deep down that my heart really couldnt take much more. But I loved him and having him for one night was better than not having it at all, wasnt it? well that was my reasoning. In the taxi on the way back to his place my heart was pounding so loudly I was sure the taxi driver could hear, my mouth was so dry and my palms were sweating,  
in less than five minutes Simon was going to be all mine, I would finally be able to kiss him and touch him, something I had been craving since our last tryst. When we got to his front door I climed out the taxi innocently trying not to look like a girl who was just about to have sex.  
As soon as we got through the door of his house he was all over me, kissing me desperately and roughly fondling my breasts. It wasnt exactly romantic but at least it was with Simon. An hour later I left Simons house with a big purple love bite on my neck and my dignity in tatters, this really had to stop, I spent the walk home crying and wondering why making love to the guy I was in love with made me so sad. I knew tomorrow was going to suck!

* * *

CHAPTER 2:

"You slept with him again, didnt you?" Was the first thing Camille said to me the following day in college. I was sat innocently eating my lunch with Camille and Mike when she blurted it out, I have to say I was suprised by her lack of tact.  
"Noo." I said unconvincingly.  
"Oh my god, yes you did, dont lie to me!" Camille sat open mouthed pointing at me.  
I grabbed her finger and pushed her arm back down, god she was so dramatic sometimes.  
"Ok fine ... If I admitt it will you stop looking at me that way." I said snottily.  
"Emily, seriously you are mad!" Mike barked.  
"Why would you even allow someone to treat you like that, hes never even taken you on a date!" He rolled his eyes in despair.  
"Its not like that Mike, we have something special." I said dreamily.  
"Wake up Emily, no you dont." He snapped.  
"Mike! Dont be so harsh!" Camille exclaimed poking him hard in the ribs.  
"Camille, I'm not being harsh but someone has to look at this realistically, Its been over a year, hes never asked her out, hes never told her he loves her,  
he hasnt even taken her on a date, he is using her."  
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, there was no way I was going to start crying like a baby infront of Mike.  
"Mike your being rude and you're hurting Emily's feelings." They both looked at me as I sat there with my pathetic tired eyes and my broken heart and Mikes eyes softened, realising what he had said.  
"Look Em, I'm sorry but I just dont like to see you getting hurt, you know hes a total jerk." Mike wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a comforting squeeze.  
"I know." I said quietly allowing a single tear to fall down my face.  
"Ive got to go anyways." I pushed away my plate of fish fingers and chips and began to gather up all my books and my bag.  
"Aww come on Emily dont go." Mike and Camille pleaded but there was no way I was staying there now I needed to get out before my single tear turned into a full scale sob fest.  
"I'm fine really, I promised Mrs Watson I would go to class early to catch up on the work I missed yesterday." I attempted to sound breezy.  
As I was walking away I heard Mike yell ouch it was obvious Camille had given him a slap for being so insensitive; I couldnt help but giggle at the idea of Camille, the weakest girl ever punching Mike, he wasnt a small boy he was a boxer and renowned for being one of the hardest guys around.  
I walked straight past Mrs Watsons class and headed out to the courtyard, there was a group of chavs sitting on the grass smoking and swearing loudly at a little skater chickl who was sitting at the picnic benches, god how I despised college.  
I carried on walking all the way out of college down to the local shops, I bought a packet of chewing gum and a can of diet coke with the rest of my dinner money and decided to walk home with my ipod in instead of taking the bus. I knew I shouldnt be skipping college again, it was becoming a nasty little habbit but I couldnt face it, not today, I just hoped my mother wouldnt be too angry with me when I rolled in 4 hours early.

My mother was a small woman, she had short brown hair that was begining to show signs of grey, she had beautiful blue eyes I had always been jealous of and young skin. My mother always went on about how lucky she has been to have such young radiant skin for a woman of 40, she says the trick is in mosturising and has been buying me little bottles of mosturising lotion for as long as I can remember. My mother and I were best friends I could tell her anything and I know she would stand by me, she had always fussed over myself and my sister Rebecca treating us like young children and spoiling us much to my fathers dismay, he believed that we should be taught the ways of the world and he wanted us to realise life wasnt always a bed of roses.  
"Nonsense." My mother would say.  
"They are my babies." "But they're not babies anymore Shannon." My father would say,  
"They are young adults and its time they faced the real world, you cant fight all their battles for them."  
Although secretly I agreed with my father I enjoyed my mother doting on us, it was nice to know she would always be there.  
Which is why deep down I knew that my mother wouldnt question me for leaving college she would give me a gentle telling off then send me on my merry way.

I spent the rest of that afternoon lazily lounging on the sofa watching trashy chat shows with my mother, we nibbled on biscuits and drank copious amounts of tea, it was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.  
It was five o'clock when my phone rang, I was half expecting it to be Camille but was shocked to see Simons name on my screen.  
"Hello?" It was rare Simon ever rang me.  
"Emily, Hi." He replied.  
"Hi." I couldnt think of anything else to say, I wasnt exactly used to having phone conversations with him.  
"So, I am mega bored with an empty house, you fancy joining me?" He sounded flippant like he didnt care either way.  
"Sure, I mean I'm not ready but that wont take long." I tried to hide my excitement.  
"Ok cool, well just come round whenever." And with that he clicked off.  
Oh my god! What the hell was I going to wear! and my hair could seriously do with a wash but there was no time, I ran up to my bedroom as fast as my legs would carry me and began riffling through my wardrobe.  
I didnt own anything glamorous, my wardrobe contained mainly baggy old gig t-shirts and items from the New Look sale rack. I decided on my hot pink halter top coupled with my black crochet cardigan, I threw on some jeans and my old pink converse then began concentrating on my hair. It was too greasy to straighten so I pinned it back into a messy bun and a small black alice hairband to jazz it up a bit and I was ready to go. It was freezing outside and I seriously regretted not wearing my blue hoodie, but it was only a short walk to Simons house, it was just a couple of streets aways.  
We spent that evening watching cartoons on the television and eating pizza while arguing playfully about the contents of my ipod, apparently Guns n Roses wasnt that hot right now and I argued that I didnt care, I would always be a loyal fan. We cuddled a bit but there was no kissing and no sex much to my suprise. It had been a nice night but I left with the sinking feeling that maybe he didnt want me anymore, I had heard he was getting close to Sasha, a skinny blonde girl from an all girls college nearby, she met Simon through Adam. I tried to push the idea of him and her to the back of my mind and told myself that it was nothing, It was good that Simon hadnt tried to sleep with me tonight, maybe he respected me now and wanted to make me his girlfriend.  
The idea made me so happy I practically skipped the rest of the way. I arrived home to a quiet house, my father had been working pretty hard recently and had retired to bed, my mother and my sister were both sat quietly reading in the lounge, I popped my head in to let my mother know I was home safely then made my way to the bathroom for a shower. As I climbed into bed that night feeling clean and fresh I felt happy and optimistic that finally things were moving forward with me and Simon, I slept peacefully for a whole Eight hours that night.

I woke up bright and early the next day feeling invigorated, As I reached for my phone to call Camille there was a knock at the door, I ignored it, Mum would get it. I began to punch in Camilles phone number when my mother called up,  
"Emily love, you have a visitor." Simon! was the first thing I thought, I checked my hair quickly in the mirror then dashed to the top of the stairs.  
"oh, its you." I said disappointedly staring down at Camille and Mike.  
"Well dont sound too pleased to see us." Mike retorted.  
"Sorry, I guess i'm just half asleep." I replied as I slowly descended the stairs.  
"You dont look it Em, you look like you have had a great nights sleep." Camille beamed inspecting my face.  
"I did." I said smugly.  
"I'm off out, theres tea in the pot and chocolate croissants in the microwave if you get hungry." My mother said scooping up her keys as she headed for the door.  
"Ooo goody, chocolate croissants, i'm starving!" Camille sing songed as she dragged myself and Mike to the kitchen "So, whats new?" I said through a mouthful of croissant.  
"Well, we came here to tell you about Katie." Camille said glancing slyly at Mike who blushed slightly.  
"Katie? Katie Collins?" I asked.  
"Yes!" Camille squealed excitedly.  
"Go on Mike, tell her!" "I asked Katie out, and she said yes." He beamed Mike had been in love with Katie Collins for as long as I had known him, and that was like forever, when I was five Mike and his family moved in over the road from us and we used to play football together in the street, as we got older he would come to mine to play video games and I would join him and his family in the summer for Barbeques, we were like brother and sister, although our parents always teased us gently saying that we would end up married one day, a though that horrified the both of us.  
Katie joined our Junior school halfway through Year 6. She was a small girl with strawberry blonde hair and freckles sprinkled across her nose, she had small brown eyes and had the longest lashes ever,  
Mike was asked to show her around the school and from that day on his crush grew and grew. When we got to Secondary School Katie didnt date much, she was a total book worm, she was so quiet if she wasnt there you wouldnt have noticed, unless you were Mike ofcourse. Me and Camille had spent hours convincing Mike to ask her out when he bumped into her at Mullins Grocery store a few months back after parting ways to go to seperate colleges. And it seems like he had finally picked up the nerve, I was so proud of him but a little jealous too, I wished someone could persuade Simon to ask me out!  
"Thats great Mike, I'm really pleased for you." I tried to hide my bitterness.  
"Thanks Em, I didnt want to rub it in you know, I know you're having a hard time with Simon at the moment." He looked wary, like he was scared I was going to cry again.  
"Its fine, seriously, I'm so happy for you." I said brightly smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. "So will you girls help me prepare for my date?" He laughed.  
"Of course we will, Camille is sleeping at mine tonight anyway, you can come back here after your date and tell us all about it." "Ooo goody, just like old times." Camille said before hugging Me tightly.

I felt like a proud mother that evening when Mike left to meet Katie, I had picked his outfit and Camille had spiked his hair up with some of my fathers gel that was lurking in the back of the medicine cabinet in my bathroom. He looked incredibly handsome I just hoped Katie thought so too.  
That evening Camille and I sat nervously on my bed watching One Tree Hill awaiting the arrival of Mike so we could hear all the details. It was half past 10 when Mike finally entered my bedroom wearing a huge grin and carrying a little gift box. "SO???" I said impatiently.  
"How did it go?" Camille asked eagerly.  
"Great." Mike said dreamily heading towards the bed and letting himself fall backwards onto the mattress.  
Myself and Camille followed suit, there we were the three of us lying back on my big double bed smiling like morons.  
"Mike, did you kiss her?" I teased.  
He blushed slightly and nodded.  
"Oh I am glad you had a good night." Camille said sleepily.  
"We have been sat here worried sick, hoping everything would go well."  
And we just lay there, the three of us, in silence for what felt like hours. I loved Mike and I loved Camille, there were no awkward silences with them.  
After a while Mike got up and places the little blue gift box on my night stand.  
"Whats that?" Camille demanded to know.  
"Its a gift, from Katie." He opened the box and handed it to Camille.  
Inside was a little silver keychain with a little silver boxing glove dangling delicately from it.  
"Oh Mike, its beautiful!" I gushed, it really was a nice thought.  
"She said she spotted it yesterday, after I asked her on our date and she had to buy me it, I thought it was a lovely idea." I had never seen Mike so happy.  
"It really was, but you know what else is a lovely idea?" I said seriously.  
"What?" Mike and Camille chorused.  
"Going to sleep, I am exhausted!" I giggled.  
"Ok, Ok we get the hint." Camille laughed.  
Mike went into the bathroom and got changed into his Pyjamas and I fetched the sleeping bag from the airing cupboard for him to sleep on.  
Camille and Mike both fell asleep as soon as the light went off but I couldnt sleep, there was no way, I just wanted what Katie and Mike had for me and Simon, was that really too much to ask?

"Emily look, a removal van!" I was half asleep and didnt really care about any removal van.  
"So?" I ask snottily.  
"Someones moving in next door, come see!"  
Next door had been empty for months, with a red sold sign stuck in the yard, I was begining to wonder if it had really been sold. "Oh Em come look, theres a boy, hes fit!" "Rebecca you're 16, dont talk like that!" I said gently ruffling my little sisters hair.  
"What, he is, I am only telling the truth." Rebecca retorted cheekily sticking her toungue out at me.  
We stood side by side at my window watching the removal men carrying boxes to and from the house when I eventually seen the boy Rebecca was talking about.  
He was gorgeous, even if I did say so myself!  
He was tall and slim, he had brown hair and was very tanned. He was wearing a navy blue jumper with a white t-shirt underneath. I couldnt take my eyes off him he was so handsome. He looked up at me and my sister staring nosily out the window and gave us a friendly wave, Rebecca waved back but I ducked down beneath the ledge embarassed to be caught staring.  
"My god hes dreamy." Rebecca giggled and I pinched her on the leg for being so silly.  
"Ouch! Emily, I'm telling Mum." And with that Rebecca scurried out of my room.  
Whatever! I thought to myself I had to get ready, tonight was the pub quiz with Camille and Simon was going to be there and I just had to look my best, I hadnt seen him since the night I had spent with him at his house. I was heading down the stairs when I could hear voices coming from the kitchen, I half expected it to be Camille telling me that Katie was planning on joining our team tonight but to my suprise it was the new neighbours.  
"Ahhh Emily, come and meet the new neighbours." My father boomed.  
I walked shyly towards the kitchen and have a polite smile,  
"Emily this is Melanie and Paul Briggs." My father gestures towards the couple sat at our kitchen counter.  
"And this is Oliver, their son." He said nodding in Olivers direction.  
"Hello." I said politely hoping I wasnt blushing too much.  
"Hi." The three of them chorused.  
"So Emily, how old are you?" Melanie asked me.  
"I'm 18." God I really hated meeting new people it was so awkward.  
"Oh how lovely, Oliver is 19 maybe you could show him around sometime." Melanie reached for Olivers hand and patted it gently.  
"Yeah, sure, cool, anytime." I said smiling at Oliver, he smiled back and I instantly liked him.  
"Anyway Mum, I just popped in to say goodbye, I am going to that pub quiz with Camille."  
My mother gestured subtly towards Oliver and I knew I should invite him, it was only polite, although I wondered how Simon would react to me arriving with a gorgeous older boy.  
"Erm, Oliver you're welcome to join me." I said cheerfully.  
"Oh I cant, not tonight, got lots of unpacking to do." He grimaced.  
"Maybe some other time then." I said before kissing my father on the cheek and heading for the door.

The Pub Quiz was a disaster from the start, Simon had brought Adam and Sasha along and spent all night kissing and fondling her. I couldnt believe him,  
how could he do that to me! Then Camille got too drunk, spending the remainder of the evening being sick in the toilets, I was so glad Oliver hadnt come,  
he would have thought they were a right crazy bunch. "Camille, your mums on her way!" I said sympathetically to the toilet cubicle door.  
"Thanks Em." Camille said roughly.  
"Do you think she could drop me off home?" I asked hopefully, there was no way I was going to sit here with Adam, Sasha and Simon it was too weird.  
"Of course." Camille emerged from the stall her skin a sickly green colour and sick in her hair, lovely I thought to myself.  
"Come on, splash some cold water on your face and we can go and wait outside, the fresh air will help." I offered.  
So as we waited for Camilles mother we sat outside in the cold sharing a cigarette and critizing Sashas fashion sense, it made me feel so much better, I loved Camille, even when she was a drunken mess!  
When I finally got home I was suprised to see Oliver sat alone in his front garden on the doorstep.  
"How was tonight?" He yelled over the garden wall.  
"Was alright, nothing too exciting, its just as well you didnt come." I said gently.  
"How come?" he asked.  
"A night full of drama, not the best." I said leaning on the wall between us.  
He was gorgeous to look at he had lips that looked so soft and pillowy I wondered about kissing them and dark blue eyes, the same colour as my sapphire earrings I had gotten off my grandparents for my 18th.  
"Ahh drama, never a good thing." He replied.  
"Tell me about it, anyway i'd better be going to bed, college in the morning." I made a sad face before heading for my front door.  
"Yeah, night Emily." He called after me.  
"Night Oliver." I replied before entering the warmth of my house.

* * *

CHAPTER 3:

It was the morning after the pub quiz and I was in a foul mood, not only had i been awake all night tossing and turning but I couldnt get the image of Simon and Sasha canoodling in the corner of The Fox And The Hound out of my mind, it was torture. To top it all off I had a whole day of college ahead of me and Mrs Watson was seriously pissed at me for skipping my last two lectures, I was feeling very pessimestic and I didnt care who knew it.  
I trundled down the stairs with a face full of thunder,  
"Well dont you look like a little ray of sunshine." My father said sarcastically.  
I glared at him, i was really in no mood for his snarky remarks, not this morning.  
"Dad, please, not this morning." I pleaded.  
"Oh cheer up Em, It cant be that bad." God he was so clueless.  
"Thats what you think." I mumbled so quietly I dont think he heard me.  
My father was ALWAYS optimistic, his face was always painted with a smile. He had splatterings of grey and black stubble around his mouth and silver hair to match. He was instantly likeable and had many friends, it was almost impossible to go shopping with my father as garaunteed he would always bump into someone who knew him and they would always turn to me and say;  
"Your so lucky to have such a lovely father, he is a great man." I agreed, he was, he always knew how to make me laugh when what I really wanted to do was cry, which was sometimes annoying, sometimes I just wanted to be able to wallow in self pity and today was one of those days.

"So can I interest you in breakfast?" He asked while pouring himself a cup of coffee.  
"Hmm, maybe." I said thoughtfully.  
"What is there?"  
"Well I could make crumpets with chocolate spread on top, your favourite." He replied enthusiastically.  
I tried not to smile, he was adorable.  
"Yes, thanks dad, I'm going to get dressed, I will be back shortly." I headed for the stairs.  
"Ok Em, breakfast will be ready when you return." He called after me, I didnt bother replying.

When I re-appeared from my room there was a little plate of crumpets waiting for me at the breakfast bar, with some chopped up strawberries on the side. Mmmm, I thought my mouth watering. He really did know how to cheer me up.  
I ate my breakfast as slowly as possible trying to delay the inevitable but it was no use, the clock read 8.30 am and it was time to leave for college. Today was just going to be one of those days, as soon as i left my house and got to the bus stop it began to rain,  
and not just a drizzle it poured down and i hadnt brought a coat, just a light jacket. The bus was so cramped I couldnt find a seat so was forced to stand next to a scruffy middle aged man who stunk of lager and urine. When I eventually got to college Mrs Watson was absent and our substitute was useless, he couldnt work out how to use the white board and knew nothing about childcare, so I excused myself from lessons and spent the remainder of the morning in the library catching up on the coursework I had fell behind on. At lunch I went for my purse only to find it was empty and had to scrape together a pound from loose change in my jacket pockets for a packet of crisps and a bottle of pop. I was wet, hungry, cold and miserable and still had another four hours of college left.  
Luckily Camille was in on the afternoon so she and I ditched classes, not that my useless substitute even noticed, and we sat at the damp picnic benches smoking and talking about boys. The bus ride home wasnt as bad, atleast I managed to bag a seat and luckily the rain had cleared up mid afternoon so I wasnt drenched through on the walk home.

I arrived home and found a sticky note on the table by the phone saying:  
"Emily a boy named Simon called for you this afternoon, i told him you were at college and said you would call him back when you got in. Love Rebecca xo."  
My heart sank, why would Simon be calling me I wonder? I picked up the reciever my hands shaking and dialled his number, he answered almost instantly.  
"Simon, is that you?" I asked.  
"Yeah Hi." He replied.  
"I just found a note from Rebecca saying you rang, whats up?" I was so nervous I could hardly speak.  
"Oh right, yeah, can we meet up?" He asked.  
"Yeah sure, where?" My nervousness was converting to excitement, maybe now he was going to make me his girlfriend,  
maybe he was going to make it official.  
"Erm ... Dot's Diner?" He asked, bringing me out of my daydream.  
Dot's Diner had been open since my parents were teenagers, it used to be "the place" to be but now it was a sad little diner on the outskirts of town that could use a lick of paint and a bit of TLC. It was one of my favourite places to go, there was something about that little diner and its old juke box that I loved, my father would bring my sister and I to the diner on a saturday afternoon for burgers and a milkshake, the place held some very fond memories for me.  
"Great, what time?" I was mentally putting together outfits in my mind.  
"7.30?" I could hear him lighting up a cigarette in the background.  
"Sure, see you then." I chirped.  
Before I could say anything else he hung up leaving me with feelings of excitement and anticipation.

I arrived at the Diner at 7.30 sharp, he was no where to be seen so i took a seat and ordered a diet coke, he was ALWAYS late so it didnt really suprise me that he wasnt here yet.  
Finally at 7.45 he showed up, I was pissed off but I wouldnt show him that.  
"Sorry I'm late." He said sliding into the chair opposite me.  
He stunk of cigarettes and aftershave and honestly he didnt appear to be very sorry at all.  
"Its ok, I just got here myself." I lied.  
We sat staring at each other awkwardly for a moment before he spoke.  
"Emily, I dont think we can see each other anymore." His eyes were sad.  
"WHAT?!" It came out more shrill than I would have liked.  
"Well its just, its not fair on you anymore, I've not been treating you very properly." It was the most honest thing he had ever said to me.  
"Well, no." I agreed with him, how could i disagree?  
"The thing is, I cant do it to you anymore, I know how much it upsets you." He reached for my hand but I pulled them away. What, did he think that holding my hand would soften the blow, I dont think so!  
"Its never bothered you before." I retorted.  
"Emily I never meant to hurt you, throughout everything we have been through, Ive never tried to hurt you." He looked regretful.  
"Yeah well you did, you have." I could feel the tears pricking my eyes.  
"Thats why we shouldnt be friends anymore, its not right." I was angry, how could he string me along for such a long time then all of sudden out of the blue decide he doesnt want me in his life anymore, and to use my feeling as an excuse to bail was such a cop out.  
"I dont want to lose you." I said, I had never said anything like that to him before, I would never have dared but I could feel him slipping away from me and I was desperate to hold onto him and what we had.  
"I love you so much, your like my best friend." I was crying now and he looked as though he may cry too.  
"Come here." He held his arms out for me and i slid onto the seat next to him as he held me. It was torture sitting there hugging him knowing that maybe when I let go he wouldnt be mine anymore, not that he ever had been.  
"I care about you alot Emily, you're a good friend, but you're always going to want more than a friendship and I dont."  
That hurt, how could he say that to me, he lost his virginity to me, he had been sleeping with me for the last 2 years and he got jealous whenever I showed any signs of moving on, how could he tell me that we were only friends.  
"How can you say that to me! How can you say we're just friends Simon, you have sex with me, do you have sex with all your friends!" I was desperate now, I was sad and angry and hurt and relieved, I was a mess.  
"I dont have feelings for you Emily, and yes we do have sex, because the sex is good, but we cant do that anymore." He was serious I could tell.  
"Ok then, no more sex, just a friendship." I said hopeful.  
"Emily no, Its never going to work between us, we ALWAYS end up sleeping together, its always going to be that way for us." It was almost the end, even I could tell that it was hopeless he had made up his mind.  
"So after everything we have been through together, this is it? I mean this is goodbye?" I was sobbing, praying this was just another nightmare I would wake up from.  
"I'm sorry." He began to cry now too, not properly but just a few tears, I couldnt tell he was crying because he was losing me or he was crying because he was just realising what a sucky person he had turned out to be.  
I was sorry, he was sorry we were all sorry but it didnt matter, it didnt take the sting out of his words and it would never take back all the things we had been through together, sorry wouldnt make me happy, because sorry meant it was over.

"Let me take you home." He said like it was the least he could do.  
I nodded sadly and gathered up my things, we walked silently to his car and not one of us spoke the whole way home, I just cried as silently as possible,  
this was so humiliating, possibly the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me so far.  
As he pulled up outside of mine i felt my heart break completely now, this was it, this was goodbye.  
"Thanks then." I said buying my time, looking at him with sorrowful eyes.  
"Yeah no problem." He looked away from me, ashamed.  
"Bye." I stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut, I stood there watching him drive away from me. I felt as though my whole world have collapsed.  
I didnt want to go home, I didnt want either of my parents to see me this way so I decided to stand at the entrance to the drive and smoke a cigarette, it wouldnt cure my broken heart but momentarily it would help.

"Rough night?" I heard a voice from behind me and just prayed it wasnt my father. "Oh Oliver, I didnt see you there." I said, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes and act like everything was ok.  
"Sorry." He said. I was so sick of that word, it seemed everyone was sorry these days.  
"Its fine, seriously." I took a deep drag from my cigarette and tried to hide my face from him.  
"Rough night?" He repeated, I would have gotten annoyed with him if he wasnt so gorgeous, he was lovable, I just wanted to ruffle his hair and hug him tightly.  
Then I did something I couldnt understand, I told him everything. I told him about the party I had thrown 2 years ago, I told him about Simon losing his virginity, I told him about the one night stands, the skinny blonde girl Sasha and I told him about what had happened tonight at Dot's Diner and all the while i was vaguely aware of a gentle hand on my shoulder that patted me occassionally when i got too upset or too choked up. I dont know why I did it,  
here I was stood with a stranger telling him my life story. I told him things I had never even told my own mother I didnt understand it.  
Oliver was amazing, he was so calm and understanding that is soothed me, I wasnt used to boys like Oliver.  
"He sounds like an idiot." Oliver concluded.  
"You have had a lucky escape, you dont want to be involved with boys like that!" I knew he was right but my heart was broken and I wasnt thinking rationally.  
"I'm tired." I said mid-yawn.  
"Yes I can imagine, you have had quite a night." Oliver gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.  
"I'm going to go home now, I just want to sleep." I felt like my eyes had been sandpapered, I dont think I had ever cried so much.  
"You will feel better after a good nights sleep, and I will see you tomorrow." He took his arm from around my shoulders and headed up his garden path.  
"Tomorrow?" I asked intriguied.  
"Oh yeah, your parents have invited us round for dinner, as a way to welcome us." He looked amused "Oh right, I'll look forward to it." I wasnt lying I was excited to get to know my new neighbours.  
"Night Emily." "Night Oliver." I smiled sweetly then headed for the door.

When I got in I heard my father calling my name from the lounge but I ignored it, I couldnt be bothered to talk anymore I just wanted to go to bed, so I kicked off my shoes and climbed the stairs. I got into bed fully clothed and pulled the covers over my head willing myself to fall asleep.

"Emily love, could you give me a hand, The Briggs family will be here any moment and I havent even put the salad together." My mother and father had spent all day making sure the house was spotless for the new neighbours and had spent hours preparing the perfect meal.  
For starters we were having Leak and Potato soup with bread rolls, followed by Chicken and mushroom pasta bake, then we were having lemon cheesecake for dessert. The smells coming from the kitchen were enough to make anyones mouth water.  
"I'll do the salad." I said decisively heading to the fridge to take out the ingredients.  
The doorbell rang just as I began to chop up the cucumber.  
"Rebecca Love." My mother yelled.  
"You'll have to get that, we're all busy here."  
I heard Rebecca sigh in annoyance before heading to the door. Rebecca had been watching some scary film in the TV room with her boyfriend Scott and obviously didnt take too kindly to being disturbed.  
"Mum the Briggs are here." Rebecca was the Queen of stating the obvious.  
"Ok well, show them to the dining room please." My mother said exasperated.  
"Right this way." I heard Rebecca say in her poshest voice.  
Rebecca and Scott had decided not to join us they were ordering in chinese instead, I really felt they had missed out as I finished the last of my cheesecake,  
it was truly the best meal I had ever eaten. Dinner had went exceptionally well, My father and Mr Briggs or Paul as we were to call him had hit it off, turns out they were both Rockers back in the day and spent the evening remeniscing about the good old days and how cringeworthy their long thrasher hairstyles had been. My mother and Melanie Briggs spent the evening discussing the latest celebrity gossip and the new store that had opened up across town that apparently sold "EVERYTHING". I however sat pretty silent, my heart was still sore and I definately didnt feel like entertaining, I put on my game face and laughed when everyone else did and smiled politey at our guests when they spoke to me, No one at the table knew how bad I actually felt, apart from Oliver and he stayed pretty quiet throughout dinner too.

When our parents decided to retire to the longue for cheese and crackers my mother asked me to show Oliver around and said we should watch a dvd in my room,  
it was obvious the adults wanted to chat alone without myself and Oliver so we made our way to my room.  
"Cool room!" Oliver said politely.  
I loved my bedroom, which is probably why I spent like 95% of my time in there.  
The walls were Hot pink and I had beautiful orange curtains. The main feautre was my bed, it was amazing, It was white and huge, It was the most comfortable bed i had ever slept in and it was covered with little silk cushions and cuddly toys from my childhood. It was very minimalist but thats how I liked it.  
I Had a big white wardrobe with a matching nightstand and dressing table which both held pictures of my family and friends. I had my own bathroom too, which was my favourite part of my room! "Thanks." I beamed.  
"So what do you want to watch?" I said walking over to my television and begining to look through my DVD collection which was very impressive if I did say so myself, I had rows of shelves filled with DVDs beside my television. My most treasured DVDs, my one tree hill boxsets were still lay neatly on the floor from when Camille had last been over. "I dont mind, anything." Oliver was still looking around my room, taking everything in before collapsing down on the bed.  
"Ok then." I said picking up my Mean Girls DVD and putting it into the player before sitting down on my big pink beanbag my grandmother had bought me for christmas.  
We spent the rest of the evening talking about college and music and gigs until Oliver glanced over and saw a picture of me with Simon.  
"Is this your boyfriend?" He asked innocently.  
"No, thats Simon." I willed myself not to cry.  
"Oh, right." He placed the picture back on my nightstand and looked guilty.  
"Why do you keep it?" He asked me boldly.  
"W-what?" I wasnt prepared for that.  
"I mean, why would you want a picture of him here in your room, amongst the pictures of people who really do love you?" It was a simple question, one that I did not have a simple answer to.  
"Erm well..." I started.  
"God have you seen the time? its half past 11, and I promised Camille I would meet her for lunch tomorrow, I best be going to bed.!" It was obvious I was avoiding the question, but this was my house, and he was a guest so I didnt care.  
"Right." He said, totally unconvinced by my excuse.  
"Well then I best be off." I felt slightly guilty, we had spent a fun night together and had even flirted a bit earlier, I had to admitt he was very good looking, I would be lying if I said i wasnt attracted to him.  
"Oliver?" "Yeah." He stopped at the doorway.  
"Do you want to exchange numbers with me? We should do this again sometime." I sounded enthusiastic, tonight had been just what I needed, it took my mind off Simon.  
"Sure, thats a great idea, you have a pen?" He beamed at me and I got this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.  
I rifled through the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out a Hello Kitty pen and paper set, I blushed slightly.  
"Cute!" He grinned before scribbling his number down and handing the pad to me, I wrote down my number and handed it to him.  
"Thanks." He said and with that he left my bedroom and headed downstairs. I heard the Briggs family leave about fifteen minutes later and I ran to my window, watching them walk up their garden path and into their house, I smiled to myself then headed for bed.

* * *

CHAPTER 4:

Life pretty much sucked at the moment, I didnt see Mike that much anymore, if he wasnt at college or boxing he was with Katie I missed him. Then Camille got a boyfriend, Kelan. The guy she had been chasing after for the last few months, I personally didnt like him, I thought he was bad news but then again she was happy and I wasnt exactly the expert on picking nice decent guys so I bit my tongue and kept it to myself.  
Kelan was a big guy he was tall and chubby, he was always dying his hair crazy colours and was known to be a bit of a prick, he was always sporting a black eye and a scowl. I didnt like him and I dont think he liked me much either, so that suited me fine. He was known for drugs, he did Speed and Coke and smoked Cannabis and thought it made him cool, I personally thought it made him a fool and I told Camille that too. He was unemployed and spent everyday in the The Fox and The Hound and since Camille had become his girlfriend she had done the same. I didnt like how she was changing, I didnt want her involved in drugs and drinking everyday but I let her get on with it.  
I wasnt used to seeing so little of my best friends, I thought our bond was stronger than that, it was nice to know I was no longer a priority, charming or what!  
It was coming up to our annual camping trip and I just knew that Mike would want to bring Katie and Camille would want to bring Kelan, I was seriously considering not going, but it was tradition. I recieved a text off Mike earlier in the week asking to go shopping for camping supplies with him on Saturday and I was so tempted to cancel on him so he knew how it felt but I hadnt been out the house in weeks so I decided to go afterall.

So here I was bright and early on Saturday morning waiting for Mike outside of Reynolds Camping Supplies smoking a cigarette. Mike was pretty much on time which impressed me and as soon as he saw me he gave me the biggest hug ever and apologized for not being around much lately. That was all it took for me to forgive him completely.  
We chatted happily about tents and stoves and sleeping bags as we wandered around Reynolds and I felt the most content I had felt in weeks.  
"So, will Katie be joining us?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.  
"Well, I was going to ask you guys first, I mean, can she?" He knew that this camping trip was a friends only thing which is why he looked so guilty, I scowled at him momentarily then felt guilty.  
"I guess so, I mean Camille is probably going to being Kelan too." I sounded bitter.  
"So is it like a couples thing this year." He asked.  
"How can it be a couples thing Mike, I'm not part of a couple!" I snapped, god he was so stupid sometimes.  
"Sorry, I didnt mean to offend you." "Again with the Sorrys, I hate that word, just forget it." I was so angry and so sick of sorrys they meant nothing to me.  
"Look, I know you're hurt about Simon, but am I allowed to say you're worth a hundred of him?" Mike knew I was hurting and looked at me with pity, which I hated, I didnt want anybodys pity, I didnt want anything, just Simon.  
I smiled weakly before pretending to be suddenly interested in some nearby fishing rods.  
"Em, you dont even fish!" Mike burst out laughing then I joined in, I didnt even really know what was funny but it felt good standing there amongst all the fishing equipment on a saturday morning laughing with Mike.  
"I know, why dont you invite Oliver?" Mike gave me a look out the corner of his eye, a suspicious look.  
"Oliver?" I ask sounding suprised.  
"Well according to Camille you guys have become pretty close, chatting over the garden wall and hanging out in your bedroom!" He stuck his tongue out cheekily.  
"Its not like that, its totally innocent between me and Oliver!" I said giving Mike a gentle punch in the shoulder.  
"Yeah, Yeah, is that why you blushed when I mentioned his name." He was really begining to bug me now. So maybe I did find him incredibly gorgeous, and maybe I did enjoy flirting with him and just maybe sometimes I wondered about kissing him, but that didnt mean I liked him, did it?  
"I suppose I could ask, I'm going to need someone to spend time with seen as you and Camille will be off in your pairs!" I said.  
"Invite him! It will be fun!"  
We didnt talk much the rest of the morning, I purchased a new tent big enough to hold 6 people, my old one had holes in and leaked constantly. I bought a big pink sleeping bag and a big pink pillow that was the softest thing I had ever felt in my life. Mike ended up buying a fishing rod and a few torches. We were using Camilles mothers stove and I had plenty of torches from the last camping trip.  
On the bus ride home I was feeling excited and hoped that Oliver would come, although I would never have told Mike that.

That night I lay in bed trying to compose a text to Oliver asking him to join us on our camping trip but I just couldnt find the right words, I wanted to sound casual and friendly but I was coming across desperate and needy. "Hey Oliver, Myself and some friends are going campng next week during the holidays, feel free to say no but I was wondering if you wanted to come?  
Emily xoxo"  
That sounded decent I decided and sent the text, I hoped he would come, I certainly didnt want to spend the whole week playing third wheel, twice over.  
I was just dozing off when my phone began to buzz.  
"Yeah that sounds great, thanks for inviting me. Ollie x"  
Result! He was coming which would serve as an excellent distraction from the thoughts of Simon swimming around my head I made a mental note to jot down a list of things Oliver would need for the trip which I would post through his door in the morning but for now I was off to try and get some sleep.

Bright and early the next morning I found myself walking across Oliver's lawn, my little note folded up neatly on my cute Hello Kitty paper, I remembered how he had smiled when he had seen it in my room. As I was about to post the note Oliver's father opened the door and I jumped slightly.  
"Oh Emily, how lovely to see you!" He beamed.  
"Hi Mr Briggs, Erm... Paul, I came over to give this to Oliver, could you make sure he gets it please?" I held out hand waiting for Paul to take the note but he didnt.  
"Oliver is in his room, you could take it to him if you like." He suggested.  
"Sure." I began to walk past Paul and through the doorway when he called to me.  
"Thank you Emily, it was really nice of you to invite Oliver camping, the move has been very hard for him." Paul momentarily showed signs of deep sadness for his son before smiling at me again and making his way to the car. All I could do was nod before entering the house.

The Briggs household was warm and welcoming, the faint smell of cinnamon and vanilla lingered in the entrance hall where two small scented candles were lit and I could see a small part of the kitchen from where I stood. The was a grand vase stood on the countertop it was black and held a beautiful boquet of Lilies standing tall and proud. Their house was spotless and everything had its place, unlike my home,  
"Its homely, a house is not a home unless it looks lived in!" My mother would say.  
Our home had never been perfect, in the kitchen we had a leaky tap that dripped and dropped no matter what we did, our storage room was showing signs of damp and mould and the kitchen often smelled like burnt toast and coffee, but it was such a lovely place to be, all of my friends had commented on how lovely the atmosphere was in my home, whenever I was away I always missed its funny little quirks.

I made my way up the stairs noticing how not one of them creaked and tried to decide which room was Olivers. At the end of the landing was a brilliant white door slightly ajar and inside I could see a wooden desk housing a computer, on the door was a sign saying "Oliver's Room." so I made my way across the landing. There was music drifting gently out of the room and down the corridor. I knocked weakly but no one heard, I pushed the door cautiously with my fingertips and peaked inside to see Oliver come out of his closet wearing a pair of blue plaid Pyjama bottoms and no top, I instantly blushed and began to turn away when Oliver called my name.  
"Emily, hey, what are you doing here?" He sounded so casual, like it was normal to find the nieghbours daughter wandering around your house.  
"I brought you this!" I said trying to sound innocent and not like some inappropriate peeping Tom.  
Oliver took the note from my hand an unfolded it carefully reading its contents.  
"Ahhhh camping checklist, and on the Hello Kitty paper, nice!" He joked before taking the note and pinning it to a notice board hung above his computer desk.  
"Yeah, its so you know what to bring camping." State the obvious Emily, God you're so stupid I thought to myself.  
"I guessed." He looked at me in a funny way, a way he had never looked at me before.

Then I noticed it, a large shiny silver frame on his desk holding a picture of him and a stunning blonde girl, she had hazelnut eyes and the most perfect loose curls cascading down her shoulders. They were smiling, happy, it looked like they were at the beach as there was a harbour in the background. Oliver was stood behind the blonde girl with his arms wrapped around her smiling at whoever was behind the camera and she was looking at him grinning proudly. They looked so in love, I felt a pang in my chest and thought of the photograph of Myself and Simon in my bedroom. How happy we looked, that happiness forever entrapped in the photograph on my nightstand, how could we have gone from being so happy to becoming perfect strangers. I wanted to cry, I wanted to call Simon and tell him it has all been one big mistake, I wanted to show him the photograph and show him how happy he was, how happy I was. I wanted to show him that we were meant to be together.  
I must have been staring because Oliver walked over to the picture and picked it up holding it delicately between his fingers and looking at it with sadness in his eyes.  
"Thats Alice." He stated, handing the photo frame to me.  
I took it from him and glanced over it before turning to study his face.  
"Shes beautiful." I croaked.  
"Yes she is." Oliver headed to his bed then took a seat, he looked sad so I followed him.  
"Who is she Oliver?" I neednt have asked I already knew the answer, Alice was Oliver's Simon, she was the love of his life.  
"She was my girlfriend, back in Avebury." Avebury was miles away from York, I felt sad for Oliver leaving behind a girlfriend like that.  
"I'm sorry Oliver, I know long distance relationships can be hard." I wasnt lying either I once had a love interest who lived up in Scotland, we met on holiday and I became totally smitten by him, being away from his was heart wrenching and eventually he called quits on our relationship leaving me devestated.  
"I wouldnt know." He took the picture from my hands and placed it face down on his powder blue sheets.  
"She broke up with me before I left, she said it would be too hard, she was worried I would fall in love with somebody here and didnt want to take that risk." He sounded bitter.  
"She should have atleast tried." I offered, patting his hand in some vain attempt to comfort him.  
"I guess maybe she didnt love me as much as I loved her." And with that he got up taking the picture with him and placing it on his desk again, his face shifting from sadness to normal in seconds.  
I took this as a sign he didnt want to talk anymore so I climbed to my feet and walked over to him.  
"Well, I better get going, if there is anything you need to know about camping it is all in that note." I said pointing to the note on his pin board. I had to get out of there.  
"Thanks Emily, I'll see you out." Oliver offered.  
"No really, its fine I will see myself out." I walked slowly to the stairs then ran, ran home as fast as my little legs would carry me I had a Simon shaped hole in my heart and aslong as I could avoid that fact I would.

* * *

CHAPTER 5:

It was a bright morning and little drops of moisture were clinging to the blades of grass in my front garden glistening in the sun like tiny diamonds. The air around us was hazy and everytime i exhaled my breath lingered infront of my mouth for a moment or two before becoming part of the rest of the fog surrounding us. I stood there in my big purple and black duffle coat rubbing my hands together trying to warm them up as the mittens my mother had bought me from H&M werent doing the trick. Oliver stood beside me his teeth chattering.  
"My you pick the best times to go camping!" He said shakily.  
"I know I am so sorry I didnt realise it would be cold." I burrowed my chin right into my white fluffy scarf.  
It was the first week of october, Myself, Mike and Camille always went camping in October, we used to go together for Camille's fathers birthday but as her parents got older they became retired campers, However, we decided to carry on the tradition, leaving the morning after Camille's Fathers birthday. I have some Hot Chocolate in my bag, its in the little silver flask I offered but just as Oliver found it Mike pulled up.  
"Nevermind, we will have some later." I said sympathetically before gathering up all my stuff and heading to Mikes car.

Little Katie Collins was in the front seat her auburn hair pulled back into a bun, she looked shy as she waved politely to Myself and Oliver, she hadnt changed a bit since the last time I saw her. Camille was sat happily chatting away to Kelan in the back, they were sharing a cigarette and bickering playfully, they were cute together even though they were a slightly dysfunctional couple but it worked and I was happy for them.  
"Mike..." I began,  
"Your car only holds five people!" "Yes." Mike looked confused.  
"There are six of us!" I barked.  
"No there isnt, there is You and Camille and Katie and Kelan and ...." It suddenly dawned on Mike that Oliver was stodd right there.  
"Oliver." He concluded.  
"And by my calculations, that makes ... SIX of us!" I rolled my eyes sarcastically.  
"Shit!" Mike was staring intently at the car almost willing another seat to appear.  
"Its cool, Emily and I can ride in my car, we will follow you down." Oliver began picking up my bags.  
"Em, is that cool with you?" Mike looked at me concerned, as if Oliver was some pervert and the idea of me being alone with him was scary.  
"Sure, thats cool." I walked with Oliver to his little blue Ford Ka and climbed into the front seat leaving him to carry the bags, I felt bad but I was weak anyway, I wouldnt have been much help.

As we drove along the sun began to shine down, warming the car and allowing me to remove my mittens, scarf and coat I was pleased maybe this trip wasnt going to be so bad afterall,  
nothing ruins a camping trip better than awful weather.  
No matter how hard I tried I found myself thinking about Simon, the last time I had been alone with a boy in a car was with him. It brought back memories of that night when he had decided I was desposable and that he no longer wanted me in his life. I watched Mike's car that was slightly ahead of us, I could see Camille laughing and joking with Kelan and I could see Mike concentrating on the road, it used to just be the three of us in that car,  
Myself and Camille would bicker about who was going to ride up front so in the end Mike would tell us both to get in the back, we would read magazines and share our horoscopes and paint our nails and Mike would tell us to keep it down as he was trying to concentrate on the road. We would stop off at this little Diner in the middle of nowhere and order Cheeseburgers and Milkshakes before driving the rest of the way. I had loved it, back when it was just me and my friends, there was no such thing as heartache and I didnt care about falling in love. I missed those days, I missed my innocence.  
"Are you ok?" Oliver voice brought me crashing back to reality.  
"Kind of I was just thinking." "Care to share?" "Its nothing really, I was just thinking, do you ever wish you could go back?" I asked him dreamily.  
"Go back, to when?" Oliver sounded intriguied.  
"To when we were kids, you know, when boys had germs and Barbie was cool?" "Barbie was never cool." Oliver joked and I prodded him hard in his arm.  
"Oliver be serious!" I ordered.  
"Ok, Ok, Sorry." He laughed.  
"But I do get what you mean, things were alot simpler back then, but the thing is, we're not kids anymore Emily and we will never be kids again, things change but you just have to accept that."  
"Yeah." I turned my head to stare out the window, he was right things did change, they were changing right now, but that didnt mean I was ready to accept it.  
"Do you want to stop off for food?" Oliver asked nodding in the direction of a little cafe at the roadside.  
"What about the others?" I asked.  
"We'll catch them up later, its no big deal."  
"Ok then." I was reluctant we were all supposed to be doing this together, but i sensed that the others wouldnt even notice we were behind.  
Oliver pulled in to the car park where only a few trucks were parked and we headed inside, it was quiet inside there were a few men sat in a booth at the far end of the cafe drinking their coffee silently while reading the paper.  
We made our way to a little booth right by the door and looked over the Menu, I was going to have Cheeseburger and Curly fries and Oliver ordered the same, We sat and slurped our Diet Cokes as we waited for the waitress to bring our food.

"I have something to tell you." Oliver said suddenly, smiling slightly.  
"What is it?" I was curious.  
"Its Alice, she called me on Friday night and said she wanted to try and work things out between us." He looked pleased.  
"Oh, thats great Oliver." I said.  
"You sure, you dont sound that pleased for me." Oliver gave me a weird look.  
Ofcourse I was pleased for him, but I was also jealous which suprised me I mean sure I thought Oliver was cute but I hadnt realised that I liked him that much., maybe I didnt like him, maybe I was just jealous because things werent working out for me and Simon and things seemed to be working out nicely for everyone else around me. "Ofcourse I'm pleased for you." I reached my hand across our table and found his.  
"Thanks Emily." Oliver Smiled.  
I felt saddened that Oliver and Alice were going to get back together, it was weird Oliver was the first boy to interest me since Simon, maybe it was for the best I didnt want to lose Oliver in the same way I had lost Simon.  
The food arrived and as we ate Oliver told me all kinds of stories about him and Alice, I tried to smile but inside I wanted to cry, why wasnt I good enough to fall in love with.  
I wasnt stunning that was for sure but I just wanted my happily ever after too and it appeared everyone else was getting theirs, when we got back to the car I decided to sleep the rest of the way, my heart and mind were exhausted, why was growing up so damn complicated.


End file.
